WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SUSPECT MY SPOUSE IS CHEATING?
Relationships take effort to make them work. It isn’t easy. They’re even harder if you suspect your spouse is unfaithful. Many times these suspicions alone are enough to send your marriage careening off the road. However, when it comes to Divorce, simple suspicion won’t cut it. You need proof.
It is of paramount importance to pull together proof of the cheating BEFORE you separate. To know the best way to proceed we need to talk about why you’re suspicious. This is something to discuss with your lawyer or Private Investigator (PI). Why you’re suspicious will help better focus the best way to proceed, but to get you started we created this guide to outline general steps you can take.
So, you’re suspicious. What now?
1. Check their phone bill.
One super simple and quick step you can take is to check your spouse’s phone bill. Many spouses have family plans so you can easily log in to your online account and see the statement. See who your spouse calls frequently, or for long periods of time. Write the numbers down, and Google them to see if they’re family, work related, or a potential paramour. If you can’t find anything give them to your lawyer, or your PI to try to track down.
It’s important to note the value of this tip will decrease over time as more and more folks spend a lot more time sending messages and using services such a FaceTime that will not show up as a phone call on your phone bill (we’ll talk about the phone itself a little later). Also, many times phone bills are not itemized bills that show all phone calls.
2. Have a GPS put on your spouse’s car.
This is a tricky one. North Carolina law changed on the use of GPS devices a couple years ago so that the use of GPS tracking devices by individuals now falls under the definition of cyberstalking. Thankfully, there is an exception in the law that allows a PI to use GPS devices to track your spouse, and find out what is going on.
The way this works if the PI will place a GPS device on your spouse’s car, and will charge you a monthly fee for use of the device. The good news is that the monthly fee is much less than it would cost to have the PI follow your spouse day-in and day-out. A history of the car’s location should be accessible via a website, and this is where you come in. Take a look at the locations your spouse stops. If it isn’t obvious on the map provided by the PI then cross reference those locations with Google Maps, and figure out what is at these locations. Is it their place of work, to is it a bar, restaurant, hotel, or someone else’s home? Keep an especially keen eye out for locations your spouse visits when they tell you they are somewhere else.
Ok, my spouse is going to places that don’t make sense, or lying to me about their location. What now?
3. Hire a PI to surveil your spouse.
GPS is a great tool, but nothing beats eyes on your spouse. Once you have locations, and your spouse’s meeting schedule, it’s time to gather human intelligence. It may sound a little crazy, but it’s very likely that your spouse and their paramour will be on a regular schedule for rendezvous. After all, humans are creatures of habit. Once you have that schedule down it will save you lots of money on PI services.
Your PI can follow your spouse, take video, photos, etc. of your spouse’s activities, and help you determine if your spouse is cheating, and if so, with whom. He can get pictures of your spouse having dinner with someone who isn’t you, in a bar with someone who isn’t you, or getting in the car with someone who isn’t you and driving to a hotel, going in, and coming out. This is a super important step. Suspicions are great, but for court we need pictures.
One great trick you can use once you have eyes on your spouse is for you to go out of town. If you have kids take the kids with you. Doing so will give your spouse maximum opportunity to meet up with their paramour, and, as a result, give your PI maximum opportunity to catch them cheating. When the cat’s away the mice will play.
4. What else can I do?
There are other things we can do if you have access to your spouse’s phone, Google account, etc., but these steps are more in-depth, have many more legal considerations, and are thus out of the scope of this article. Suffice it to say many phones tracks your location all the time, and under certain circumstances we can access this data. To decide which of these steps may work for your specific situation will require a discussion with your lawyer to make sure you stay on the right side of the law.
What do I do now?
The information gathered by taking these steps will be useful in any Alimony claims, and can be used in an Alienation of Affection or Criminal Conversation lawsuit. However, this is just the beginning, but you’ve taken the first step: Education. We know you may be overwhelmed, but together we will develop a plan that fits your situation, and addresses your specific concerns.
Do you have more questions? Call now to schedule a consultation, or click here to schedule a consultation online.
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